Thankful

So yesterday I found out that I certified to become a National Board Teacher. It was not a moment like I had thought it would be. I thought the Heavens would open-angels would sing, and tears would flow. I woke up at 4 a.m. I could not sleep. I texted my two friends that went through the process with me...instantly they both replied...they felt the same way...nervous.

-News Flash- Ask anyone I am not a nervous person. I do not get really worked up and worried about too many things. I fret over flying, suspense movies make me a nervous wreck, but in all school/work related times in life I have remained calm. I am not the test taker that overly prepares. I don't put a lot of stock on a good breakfast before a test, but I firmly believe in a good night's rest followed by an early morning cram session. This method has always been my faithful routine. Even in pageants I have never been a nervous contestant. It just isn't worth it to waste all that time worried about the outcome.

So after completing the portfolio last year and getting ready for the test, I didn't think about it. All summer it was a joke to me, laughing about it....saying "Oh did I really do that last year?" It was not this point of reference for my life, more like this crazy whim I decided one day to do. Over the summer friends and I rehashed all the mishaps during the process things that have never gone wrong in life before but leave it to National Board crunch time and the world fell apart.

Here was our list-

Jenna (teaches with me)- after video taping her science unit she had to have her appendix out, really the same day, it was WILD

Leslie (long time side kick) -suffered from the stomach virus and staph two things that she has never had before and she had to miss school

Me- well the day before I started my unit my assistant's mother became sick and that kept her out the entire time I actually worked on the process...yes you could say my right hand had been taken from me and I had to adjust a bit

You think it is an isolated occurrence oh no it is referred to as the curse of National Boards...it happens a lot- hospitalizations, deaths, it is wild to hear everyone's stories.

Moving on, I was not a worrier! Leslie called the NB hotline monthly just to inquire about results. She would mention it a lot and then try her best to draw me into her world of worry...not me I didn't worry...oh not because I was confident in my passing it is just a waste to worry on something I could not do a thing about.---that is until this week.

On Wednesday of this week I got the email saying scores would be posted Friday. Ok no big deal. Only Leslie didn't get the email so she panicked and guess what --she called them just to ask about not getting the email.

On Thursday I had school and then a cake to do. I busied myself all day. Sewing in the morning, baking that night...my mom came over to talk and all of the sudden I had all these worries--what would happen if I didn't certify? Would she be upset? Would people think less of me? What if? What if? What if? Oh yes this non worrier cried herself to sleep. I woke sick at my stomach...so I busied myself, I monogrammed two burp cloths, a bib, made a pair of denim ruffle pants, I was at work super early and was still sick at my stomach. I saw people that made small talk and I would tear up...who was this girl? Not Felicia, no way- I don't worry. Well, I worried!

I gave my class a talking to-I told them I was getting big news and that I would probably cry, either way and to not ask me why my eyes were red.

My plan wait until the kids were at activity mid morning so I was by myself and check. At 7:50 the bell rang for the day to start. By 8:00 I had the first tests given out and I was at the computer. I just wanted to have the sight pulled up. I wanted it to be ready when I was. I typed my info in the site...and was pushed out because of traffic. Ok let's try again...as I typed it in and hit enter I turned my head much like you would in a scary movie.... like it hurts too much to watch and as I slowly glanced at the screen from the corner of my eye on the screen the word I saw was CONGRATULATIONS....what oh my this isn't true. Instantly I exited the site and did it again...it was the right person...I checked my scores and I said to my class- oh my gosh I passed...they were so excited but didn't really understand-

I raced down the hall to see Ms. Bridget my co teacher...and when I saw her I teared up. She just smiled and smiled-When I close my eyes it is her face that I see being so happy for me.

So then I had to call my mom and of course I cried with her, then Cullen over the phone.

The Heavens did not open, angels did not sing, and it wasn't the overwhelming emotion that I thought I would feel. It was really surreal.

I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day...I was happy, but sad for my friend that didn't certify. We had worked so much together and I had prepared for her to be successful and me not to be. I was prepared for us both to be certified but never had I thought about me doing it and she not being certified...it was a sad time. I wanted to be with her I didn't want to upset her. I went to her and we hugged and cried together and we talked about her retaking portions. While it was a long process and at times I could have given a little bit more of myself I was successful. I was blessed and for that - this week I am so Thankful.