Hour by hour our time at the hospice house was short, but it was a wonderful place to be and a great staff to spend those hectic days with.
Thursday morning after running by Daddy's house I headed to see him. He was restless all day. He seemed to have vivid dreams and made noises as he slept. Brett stayed with me all day and we worked off and on our laptops. My dad's brother spent the majority of the afternoon keeping us company and my cousin, Darla, spent the better part of her lunch hour with us as we watched him sleep. As the afternoon rolled into night, Cullen came by for a couple of hours, Aunt B and Uncle Wayne came by with Mom and then as night progressed it was just the three of us. Just as I was about to leave and get Jett home from Cullen's parents' Daddy's oxygen dropped.
On oxygen I left him with Brett to take Jett home and come back to stay the night. Aunt Avis and Uncle Joe, came back by to stay until just after 11 o'clock and then I was left to settle in to the night. I woke several times to make sure I still heard Daddy breathing and by 4:00 a.m. I was up and going to get the day started. I woke up and started talking to Daddy just to see if he would respond. When I went to his bedside and said good morning he opened his eyes and telling him it was okay to rest he closed them back. As I knitted my way through the morning I made small talk with him and he gurgled and murmured right back at me as if to answer my questions. Just around 11 my brother came in mid bath time and Daddy's breathing changed. The nurses noted the change and we gathered around his bed. It was as if we were in adrenaline over drive. Once they were done Brett and I busied ourselves, but at every hiccup in his breathing we were startled to a stop. Finally just after noon, I went and sat on his bed and held his hand. I talked to him and Brett joined me. As those minutes seemed to last forever and speed by, we prayed aloud, we prayed silently, but we prayed. As we both held his hands and each other's hands I told him it was okay. He didn't have to fight. With the sweetest look on his face Daddy took his last breaths. I never want to forget the story, the moments we were blessed with. It was as perfect as it could have been. He was not suffering, he was not alone, and the two that loved him most in this world were with him. In the moments that followed a surreal feeling is the only way I can describe my emotion. I have always said it would be weird to be alone with someone who has passed. It wasn't. It wasn't weird in one way. It is as if the Lord puts the people around you during these times to know what you need, when you need it. Within hours we made so many decisions. The weekend now is a blur of food, flowers, friends, family and fatigue.
Late Night Mom Confessions
2 months ago