At the risk of sounding absolutely crazy I am going to post about my current state of mind. This last week has been such a fun/stressful week. On one hand I am so glad to be back in school...I love school and learning new things, but on the other hand...it is school...nightly readings, assignments daily, and the pain of just having to be in a room with a projector taking notes with the SAME eight people during optimal tanning hours....while knowing all your teacher friends are laid out on a float in a pool somewhere...
I know that I am very fortunate to be in this program, I am not whining at all...but to say that I have been an emotional wreck the past week is an understatement. Looking back to college, every semester I probably had these same thoughts and feelings so much that by my second semester of college my mom knew the trend...third week of class...Felicia is going to be sad and overwhelmed...
I would say on Wednesday of this week the new had worn off. Most likely because Thursday was my anniversary and I spent it with my cohort of eight rather than my hubby....but also because I spent five nights in a row in a posh dorm room...I missed home.
Coming home Friday I had a flashback to Freshman year...honestly could have teared up at the Pontotoc County sign on Hwy 6. My cohort friends talk of loving the delta, forget the flat land...I'll take the hill country.
Cullen was a trooper. I wanted nothing more than to sit at the house and hang out, but to still see my mom and Leslie...typing this I can say I feel better, but am so worried everyone is going to think I'm a little crazy...I think this is what school does to me....I might not be good at having to prioritize in the summer months. In fact you guys know from National Boards...I love love love to procrastinate...well, take the select 7 I'm working with these days and know that apparently most don't put off until tomorrow what they could do today...They do not love the thrill of waiting until the last minute...the rush of adrenaline when you push print at the last minute just to see if the fates will allow no printer problems...because you honestly don't have time for a paper malfunction.
Yesterday while at church, the preacher came up to talk to Cullen about the mission trip they are going on in July...one that I am not able to go on...still upset about it...but happy for Cullen...and y'all I almost teared up. If everything could just stop for a bit., let me get acclimated to my new normal for a minute...then I could think of all the things going on.
And one last stressor is the my baby cousin Anna is getting married in a mere four weeks. I have a shower to plan along with helping host a bridesmaid luncheon. I couldn't be happier to entertain everyone, but having to sit down and sure up ideas, dates, and invites...oh good gracious I'm already behind. Okay, I didn't post this so that anyone could say, "poor me." In fact if you could just find time this week to pray- pray I don't lose my mind over something silly, pray for Cullen as he continues to live the bachelor life, pray for my cohort that the next two weeks move quickly and painlessly-assignments are completed, tests have really great study guides, and my upcoming presentation will go off with out a hitch. It is the little things that keep me worried. I use the term worried very loosely- if you know me you know that I don't really panic or worry about anything until the last minute..yes it it true..I procrastinate my worrying.
No, I am not going crazy. In fact I'm having an internal monologue with myself as I type..yes, post this-no, don't-people will think you are crazy. Don't think I'm going crazy...pray for my stress level...pray for my husband...but know that I am acutely aware of how blessed I am.
Trying Hard to Get There
4 months ago
2 comments:
Very entertaining blog post might I say.
don't know where my post went yesterday...i said"we don't think you are crazy...we know it"...and all you need is a little SOB...(sewing or baking)hehehe
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